Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Not Today...

Not Today...

I am many things...a mom...a wife...a daughter...a friend...an employee...but more than anything else...a woman with lupus.  I am an employee who is valued, competent and depended upon to get things done.  I am the "go-to" person to solve everyone's problems and fix them yesterday.  I let my batteries get completely drained over the past two weeks.  I pushed myself beyond my safety zone and far into the danger zone.  (Kenny Loggins' music from Top Gun)  

We are prepping for renovations here at my work and with getting 8 offices/cubicles of people moved and then 9 adjunct faculty cubicles moved and coordinating the relocation of 24 file cabinets, door security locks moved and security cameras relocated...and physically moving two offices, 19 tables, 40 chairs and putting tape grid lines on the floor of our conference room just so I can make sure that 19 out of 24 file cabinets find a temporary home...I think...just maybe...I kind of over extended myself...kind of used up all of my energy and then borrowed against the next months worth to get most of this accomplished.

The file cabinets will be moved in two days. This is all having to be finished while still getting all my other work finished too.  I am getting it done...but at a steep price.  People are asking me why my smiles aren't bigger and brighter...why there is no spring in my step...why are your cheeks pink?  (uhm...the correct color is MAGENTA!!) 

SO...Not today...I will not answer the questions.  Not today...I will not move or lift anything.  NOT TODAY...will I look in the mirror to see the butterfly blooming on my face.  NOT TODAY...will I parsel out my energy for non-emergencies.  

Lupus isn't here with me...NOT TODAY.

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